Ask Khane: How can I get my girlfriend to decide if she wants kids?

This is Edition #1 in the now newly published Ask Khane Column.  Ask Khane, formerly only an e-mail advice column is now fully published.  To publish your questions and the like for an answer, please, e-mail

Dear Khane,

I’m a 25 year old black guy trying to seriously commit to the first and the only  white woman that I have ever been with. We’ve been going solid for about 2 years now, but, she continues to drop hints that marriage isn’t her thing.  She’ll be the first to say she wants a family, but, when I try to discuss just that with her  — suddenly she doesn’t want a family anymore.

At first glance, it, seems like we have the perfect life together.  I enjoy her presence; it makes me feel like a man, it completes what I once thought I was missing in life. But, she doesn’t want kids (or so she says) which is a definitive problem for me.  When I first got with her, she, said she was open to the idea of children.

Which is where the problem starts. I need to know if there’s some sort of pointers of any kind, that, I should be going off of to make the discussion about finally having children reality.


The Misunderstood Man


Dear The Misunderstood Man,

First, I applaud you for taking the effort to discuss this with your female partner rather than taking it upon yourself to ensure she gets pregnant. Next, I’m going to lay it out blunt for you here. There is no right or easy way to talk to someone about wanting to have children. You have to pay close attention to what she says during those conversations, because, she may be indirectly or directly trying to tell you how she really feels.

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If by any means you discover that the girl you’ve been with for 2 years isn’t in the game for kids, it, might be time to reconsider your desire to stay with her.  Given that she did make you believe she wanted children from the start, she, partially is at fault here. But remember you are also at fault, because, it took you a while to bring up the discussion again.

Bottom line: Don’t be that guy that makes her feel like she is being pressured to get pregnant. If she reaches that point one of two things is going to happen. 1. she’s going to get pregnant only to make you happy, but in the long run will resent you. 2.  She will isolate herself from you, and, that leads no where. 




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