We’re preparing civil litigation against one of our former interns

While we cannot legally confirm details about her, we can confirm a woman by the name of Miss Niecy is being sought for a civil litigation and criminal case in regards to a computer she refuses to return.

We are in possession of legally binding contracts; copies of photo identification, and the appropriate signature binding her to this contract.

I am seeking as of Friday legal counsel regarding this matter and will enforce this contract per the signed agreement.