No that isn’t some twisted headline out of a Vice Magazine cover story. That’s a very real sentiment that occurred in London this week, er, after an apparent millionaire managed to get away with rape — after he knowingly and literally claimed that he “slipped and fell” inside of a woman and eventually raped her.

No, we’re not joking.  46-year-old 46-year-old Ehsan Abdulaziz  was cleared of all charges (but not until he was allowed to submit evidence in private) after an 18-year-old girl he met at a London club claimed that she had woken up one night in his apartment after an innocent invitation for drinks, to, perhaps, find Abdulaziz on top of her.

In his own words.

“I’m fragile,” 46-year-old Ehsan Abdulaziz says. “I fell down but nothing ever happened between me and this girl.

According to court documents,  Abdulaziz’s sperm and such were found inside the woman. How, perhaps, he managed to “fall” inside of her we’re not quite sure.

Abulaziz claims that when he tried to wake the girl up from the couch, and ask her whether she needed a fresh T-Shirt or a cab ride “she proceeded to grab my hand and put it between her legs”.  At this point, NSFW,  Abdulaziz then claimed that he “must have had my penis sticking out of my underwear” and “I fell”.

Again, no we’re not joking.

 

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