Living in New York has really taught me the epitome of independence and how to learn to live for myself and have fun while doing it. Unlike others, I have had little to no interaction with my adopted or biological parents — but that decision didn’t come easily. I think like most troubled relationships with your parent(s) take a drain on your emotional capacity at some point, that it becomes a matter of escape as fast as you can or be stuck forever.
Growing up, I was always told that I had to do certain things a certain way; talk a certain way, would end up in jail because I’m gay, and then came the newspapers. My adopted mother and I haven’t formally spoken for more t than 15 minutes in almost 3 years. Failing to understand the concept that as a failed Mom, she hurt me in more ways than one and refuses to acknowledge that. I am not a monster never was one, I am a human trying to navigate this game of life.
The same goes for my biological Mom. Although I love her dearly, she equally has played a cunning part in my own emotional struggles. But what will it take for parents like mine and those of so many others to wake up and just be normal? That’s a question I’ve asked myself allot lately.
I’m not a mouthpiece. I will not pen a statement denying everything they’ve ever done. I will not lie for them. Although sometimes it does get extremely lonely living in New York without a family (my god parents don’t live here). I’ve become okay with distancing myself from my family.
A hard lesson I’ve learned is that sometimes even your own familial relationships can be toxic.