If you probably haven’t heard by now, I, along with probably a few dozen other dumb rich kids got stuck in the Bahamas this weekend after we were duped; scammed, and jipped out of almost $12,000 to attend this shit-festival.
It all started out two weeks ago when I received e-mails from the supposed organizers asking me to attend the festival as one of the “promoters” and “bloggers” on board the plane that took the likes of Bella Hadid; Kendall Jenner, and more to the island for what was supposed to be a weekend in paradise.
(It actually turned out to be a scene straight out of a Stephen King movie..).
Let’s be clear.. . Kendall and Co are no where to be found. The closest thing to “celebrities” on this island are myself; a victoria’s secret angel, and a really weird instagrammer who prefers to Instagram while sitting on the toilet.
Here’s what I understand (hat tip to my Verizon hot spot still working in this shit storm) we were promised gourmet meals; celeb treatment, and A-List acts. Instead, we got nasty looking grilled cheese sandwiches (that, btw, weren’t actually grilled..).
Here’s how the debacle happened.
The other day, we all boarded out of Miami after the airline/charter company responsible for this mess shuffled celeb kids and instagrammers into the Bahamas. I was one of the middle-few to go (my departure was late, due to alleged and really annoying “overcrowding claims”). A Victoria’s Secret angel who shall remain nameless, indeed, was the first to send a text in our group chat with an initial warning of: prepare yourself xo.
What that meant at the time, uh, we were totally puzzled. We arrived to Exuma about an hour or so later, only, to find that no real food had been prepared; alcohol was no where to be found, and two of the men aboard our plane were actually registered sex offenders (Yeah, I was nosy).
It was like a scene straight out of a Stephen King movie, eyeballs staring out the window, stunned that we were now witnessing what the Fyre Festival actually was: nothing what we thought we were getting for $12,000. Between myself; the VS Angel, and my other two supermodel pals we spent a combined $63,000 in expenses to make it on this trip.
But, I soon found out that we had about 63,000 reasons to wish we never boarded that plane. Luggage came out of a storage container, strangely weird but attractive men, yeah uh, toted some luggage out of a storage container in the middle of the night. No, literally! No lights; no nothing, just strange men suddenly reminiscent of a scene from “WELCOME TO AMERICA” came barreling out of a storage container.
Probably, yeah, the most entertaining moment of this shit-fest. People have been trying to make the best of it, with rather unusual ways of entertainment. Four people have already had sex in public; three more are really hungry, I’ve already went swimming nearby, so it hasn’t been entirely a shit-stain but then again it has.
Fyre Festival was billed as the “Luxe Coachella” to the celebrities and famous bloggers that were asked to attend. Coachella, as annoying as its attendees are, is by far ten times as better as it is here. We are not allowed to go off to far alone, as, nobody can really understand what the locals are saying.
Meanwhile, nobody’s quite sure what we’re going to be eating for dinner tonight. If my battery lasts long enough (i brought 4 portable chargers in the event of a tragedy) I’ll write an update before the night is over).
Not to be petty, but my squad and I are headed for the Sandal’s resort literally no more than 900 feet away from the “private arena” where this shit-fest was supposed to take place. No word on how we were actually supposed to get out of here.
Calls have been placed by the dozens to the U.S Embassy, which seems, like the only way out of here. I’ve been told four times in the past three hours the fucking charter plane(s) etc responsible for this mess have since left the island (and have no intention of returning as of yesterday).