FROM THE DESK OF SAYEE AL WALI KHAN
LONDON — It is with dutiful regret that I must issue an exodus suspension of all writers who remain undocumented and not-yet verified in the United States. Until further notice, undocumented writers (who shall remain nameless) are not to perform any writing duties whatsoever regardless of status with this newspaper. Writers with such documented statuses are to cease publishing articles effective immediately, and, until further notice.
We are working closely to get everybody verified, however, those will and cannot be verified will immediately be terminated from Daily News Online without question. Prompt termination is prepared for those that cannot be verified. Background checks in both the United States and England are being performed on all writers who are currently being screened; criminal histories, immigration checks, and residency status.
Writers without social security cards are unable to continue to write for Daily News Online, as, we cannot sponsor internationally based writers who live in the United States or may for one reason or another be in the territory. We are only able to sponsor international writers who are just that, er, international.
Non U.S citizens will undergo an intermittent test to determine whether or not they would essentially be able to take post in the U.K. We are a U.K based business, and, under United Kingdom law we must first determine no British citizen is able to fulfill duties before we can hire international individuals. Everybody will receive a fair opportunity, however, at this time we must follow the appropriate screening laws and procedures.