America is about to outlaw almond, soy milk

According to 25 bipartisan lawmakers in the United States, ehum, almond and soy milk could soon become a thing of the past. According to the 25 Congressional members,  soy and almond milk isn’t “real milk” and therefore should be outlawed unless it decides to come up with a new name.  If you’re wondering whether or not this is a joke article, no, we’re unfortunately typing this in our newspapers as we are asking ourselves — what in the hell.

The lawmakers wrote a letter to Congress apparently complaining that “milk only comes from cows” and anything that doesn’t shouldn’t have a name like milk. It is unknown as to whether or not Congress will actually act.

The situation perhaps is pretty interesting considering “soymilk” has been used on certain products in North America for over 100 years.


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